And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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