So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
