Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
