Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
