I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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