Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
