I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
