Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
