i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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