? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
