I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
