Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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