I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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