hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
