I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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