So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had to cum in my sink.
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