Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
