i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
