I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
