Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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