he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
