walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
