I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
