all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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