I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
