I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
