My sheets look like a crime scene.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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