see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
