The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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