I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
