I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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