I just threw up on my dentist
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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