and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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