I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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