is your mom at the bar?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
