During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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