I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
