And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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