Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
