I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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