Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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