I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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