i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
