Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
