i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dicks are not precious.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
