we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
