..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
