Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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