i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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