You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize