True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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