You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
