guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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