you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
