he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
