I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
