Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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