How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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