if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
