Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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