my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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