So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
