The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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