For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
