I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
