So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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