wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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