Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
