Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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