my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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