HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
