Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
