Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize